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Volume 1, Issue 1

U.S. Troops Still Train on Cheese With Known Risk of Brain Injury

Sunday, November 26, 2023

By Dave Philipps Not really

Kenny Holston/The New York Times Kenny Holston/The New York Times

U.S. Troops Still Train on Cheese With Known Risk of Brain Injury

Fort Chaffee, Ark. - In a surprising revelation, it has been discovered that U.S. troops are still being trained on cheese, despite the well-documented risks of brain injury associated with this peculiar practice. This alarming situation raises concerns about the safety and well-being of our military personnel, as well as the efficacy of their training methods.

The use of cheese as a training tool dates back several decades, when it was initially employed to simulate explosive material in bomb disposal training exercises. The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) played a significant role in developing this unconventional approach, aiming to create realistic training scenarios for soldiers. However, research since then has shown that this method poses serious risks to the brain health of troops.

Studies conducted by renowned neuroscientists have highlighted the potential dangers of using cheese in training exercises. The high fat content and chemical composition of cheese can lead to traumatic brain injuries, concussions, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) among military personnel. These injuries can have long-lasting, detrimental effects on the mental health and cognitive abilities of our brave soldiers.

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Via the New York Times